Palingenesia Group Exhibition

Wonderful way to start the new year – joint exhibition Palingenesia at Folonomo Gallery, with images from my Floracopia and Returning to My Roots series.

there-are-always-tears-in-time

There are always tears in time

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Returning to My Roots

It’s hard to know where to being with this post. There’s a large part of me that is trying to get me not to write it. How do you describe what is almost a rebellion against my own desire to be an artist? An urge to bury my creativity? An anger against the very concept of whether I am an artist?

Why should I feel this way? Why am I struggling so hard to conquer that feeling? I’m not alone I know – it does seem true that being an artist also involves a hefty chunk of angst, uncertainty, denial and confusion. I am just one of many expressing these thoughts, and that in itself is one of the reasons, I think, that I am questioning my intention of creating art.

Who am I to think I’m special? Who am I to know what to do and how to achieve it?

Let’s face the truth here, I suck at social media and networking. I am a recluse, an introvert. It’s not an affectation, it’s who I am. I have a blog, I have a Facebook page, I have a website, but I don’t have the ability to push it out there and make myself known. My peacock feathers are my artworks… they are not the rest of me. The rest of me is hidden in a quiet, bland and un-noteworthy  shell. Just as I like it.

And if my art is my display, then it is flawed, for it does not fit into the local market, and I lack the ability to kick my way into other markets elsewhere, even if they would welcome me…

And so I question where I stand at present… After all if I am not really made for notoriety and success with galleries and punters and all the rest, then what am I doing? For I keep trying to make series and works that will be shown as exhibitions. I heed the advice of gallery curators, critics and my own mentors – who tell me what not to keep working on and what makes fine art and where I should stretch myself. They define what is “play” and what is “true” uniqueness. They shove me into corners where apparently only I will live, struggling to be an individual in the face of all those other poor buggers also stuck in their corners, trying to be individuals. Rather than reaching into my soul to pull out what is there I am sanctioned only to allow the emergence of what is “original”. When it seems that these other authorities are the keepers of the definition of what it actually means to be “original”.

But what does that make me? Surely then I am not “myself” the artist, I am “them” the artist.

So here I stand in the middle of uncharted nowhere – do I just go off and make a career with money and nice job title or do I keep going? It used to be that I would shoot and play around and edit for hours and days and feel happy and if not satisfied, then would not think that  the time had been wasted or lost to me forever. Do I push and shove and try and pummel myself into an artistic creation that belongs to other people – which maybe one day the world will say “She is truly gifted, what a talent” or do I say, no I am who I am, I do what I do, and I create what I create?

It seems to me, that that is the only true answer. And so here I go, giving it a try, returning to my roots – playing with the camera and props and bits of nature and whatever I can find. Seeing what the hell comes out of Photoshop when I set my crazy mind to it!

I hope that you enjoy this journey with me – I hope that the works which will appear hear in the future are beautiful and meaningful and true to me, and that in being all those things, they still inspire you… If you want pure photography, if you don’t like digital imagery, if you are a purist, you probably want to look away now.

Here are the first of those images – made from the detritus of the fierce storms that lashed us last weekend, the leavings of the garden so drenched and windswept…

All are fragile

All Are Fragile

The root of all stems

The Root of All Stems

Univers in the curls of a leaf

Universe in the Curls of a Leaf

Against the Autumn Windstorm I Will Hold

Against the Autumn Windstorm I Will Hold

Delivered on the storm

Delivered on the Storm

From the stem of winter

From the Stem of Winter

 

Inclusion in Wide Open Digital 2

It’s with great pleasure that I announce that several of my works have been selected for the online exhibition Wide Open Digital 2 – for Digital Arts: California.

It’s a real honour to have my work displayed alongside such talented digital artists.

Check out the amazing exhibition at: http://www.digitalartscalifornia.com/

Dragonfly

The Dragonfly

How to pick yourself up after a fantastic first shoot for your new series

It’s a strange thing, I learned a lot from my first solo exhibition. I learned that you go flat, and that you lose  something of your soul from exhibiting, as well as gaining something. Whatever it is you lose, it makes it hard to start a new series, to pick yourself up and start “again” as it were. I made a strong pact with myself that that wouldn’t happen this time. I had planned, nebulously it must be said, the very nature of my next series, and I was feeling very very inspired by it at the time of Touching Nature. In fact  I can only describe my state of being as impatient to have the whole exhibition over with so I could get cracking as they say.

And I did.

So why, you might ask did it take me so long to post in this blog then? Good question. The answer is a strange one. The first shoot for my new series “the Winter Tree” went amazingly well. I loved what I did, I was so happy with it. It is going to be different to what I have done before, I hope, an evolution of my still life work. Sharper maybe, less focused on movement in time, but rather instead a memory of time.

It seems a weird thing to say, but it isn’t always good to have the “perfect” first shoot. It actually screwed me over. After it, the next few attempts at set building and creation went amiss, widely, sadly, embarrassingly amiss. I was shattered. I was just so frustrated and confused and angry about it all. It has taken me some time to pick it up and start to rebirth my vision. And now I am about to break it off and go gallivanting around the US. Maybe it’s a good thing a break to let it all percolate again. Who knows.

My intention in the US is to undertake a bit of a homage to my favourite American photographers, so stay tuned for a rather different travel blog – if I knew what it was going to be, I would tell you, but I don’t know that I have fully grasped it yet! We shall just have to journey together as to what an A L Washington art travel blog might mean. Expect motion shots. Blurring. Some feet (I like photographing feet and hands – odd really). Maybe some weirdly cropped views of hotel rooms?

But in the meantime to give you a brief glimpse into the future of the Winter Tree, it will be series based on the visions of feelings long since gone to memory, and is based around snippets of poetry I have written over the years, one particular series of poems about a pair of lovers considering their previous relationship, their current lives and their futures.

Here are a couple of the images shot so far – they may not even make it into the series, I don’t know. But they are a look at what I am trying for:

The Winter Tree_011_2

The Winter Tree_018

The Winter Tree_22

Digital Art to Combat Depression

One of the ways when I was younger that I handled my down periods, was to draw freehand geometric designs. They weren’t especially balanced or symmetrical. In fact they were an attempt normally to draw as small lines, triangles and so an as I could, using gold or silver pens on coloured squares of paper my mother brought home from her child care centre. So intricate were they, that I never actually managed to complete a whole square.

The memory of these drawings inspired me to consider my other love – digital manipulation – as a way to combat my depression. I am no Photoshop or Illustrator master.  I simply take my photographic images and change them, warp them, push them to their limits, tear them apart and put them back together until I am happy with the result. I wanted to add  geometry and repetition to this concept and see what I would come up with.

It helps. It calms the mind. Keeps it occupied, and satisfies the creative soul which might otherwise be whimpering in a corner.

So here they are. Different to what you might expect from me. But then, as time goes on, I hope you realise that you should never expect to know what to expect from me: I fly where I can, I am no longer so concerned as to how or where that might turn out to be. It is after all, just another experience.

The Gods of Men

The Gods of Men

Fire from Within

Fire from Within

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